Sparkplug 28

It’s almost that time. There are only 43 days left in this year, and that can mean only one thing: it’s time to talk about A1. That’s right, the first REAL supercross of the new championship season…

Okay, alright, I’ll admit it… the supercross season really starts in December up North in Canada. All the big guns will be there, and you Canadians better turn out and show some appreciation, dammit! By the time we Americans get the series, it’ll be two-races old.

But I still want to talk about A1, that is, the first American supercross of the season, and the first race to run at good, ol’ Anaheim Stadium (or whatever they’re calling it now). In particular, I want to talk about how the stadium officials can make my day at the races go smoother. You heard it right, it’s all about ME… and about 44,999 of my closest moto-friends.

So let’s start where it all really starts, in the parking lot.

Suggestion number 1: Cut us some slack on that parking fee, dude! It was $10 last year, and you’ll probably try to stick us for $12 this year. I mean, if you charge us any more, you’ll have to show us a movie or something to make it worthwhile. Come on, $5 or $7 is much more reasonable… and it will leave us with a little more folding money to buy your overpriced junk food and drinks…

Suggestion number 2: Rescind that stupid local ordinance that “suggests” it’s illegal to drink alcohol in the parking lot. It’s ridiculous laws like that one that have probably kept L.A. from having a proper football team! Everybody is drinking in the parking lot, anyway. I think I even saw a cop once taking a pull from a beer bong (just before he confiscated it, anyway). Now, you might be suffering from the delusion that if you outlaw liquor in the parking lot, the fans will buy more in the stadium. But the exact opposite is true… the people who come to the races to get shitfaced buy even MORE drinks in the stadium because they’re drunk! They’ve lost the ability to reason, and they keep spilling their damn beers, to boot! And then they buy that tasteless coffee and a lot of starchy food in order to sober up for the drive home. You’re never going to stop the drinking in the lot, so you might as well relax and go with the flow. Speaking of flow…

Suggestion number 3: How about some Porta-Potties in the lot? Why do you think so many people bring their motorhomes to a stadium race? So they can practice their debauchery in private and so they don’t have to pee on the tires of their pickup truck when they get full of beer. But you’ll notice that there are many more pickups than motorhomes in the lot. And you’ll also notice, right before showtime, that there are a lot of mysterious “wet spots” all over your wonderful parking lot. You can change this by making a civilized choice. And your post-race clean-up will be a lot less “messy”. Which leads to…

Suggestion number 4: If you give us trash cans, we’ll use them. Scout’s honor. Or at least, most of us will. Some of us have been trained by you to hide our empties under the bumper of our cars, so by the end of the night you’re left with a couple thousand stacks of empties and half-eaten, undercooked burgers. Help us to help you.

So far, these suggestions might strike some as being rather frivolous. Well, hold on to your hats, ‘cause here’s the big Kahuna…

Suggestion number 5: Make ALL gates “re-entry” gates. This one has stymied me since I’ve been attending supercrosses at Anaheim. Why do you insist on subjecting your security force to the mad rush at 6:45pm, when 20,000 or more people try to return from their two-hour parking lot party in time to get seated before the opening ceremonies… and you force them to all enter through one solitary gate? Your ballpark was designed to handle these numbers pleasantly and efficiently… and you destroy that with one ill-advised bureaucratic decision. Get real, guys. We’re supercross fans, and all we want to do is see a great race. You can perform the same level of security scrutiny at the other gates, so there is really no need to limit re-entry to one gate… except to simply piss people off. I really hope that is not your intention, but if it is, you must be pleased with your success!

Seriously, this is the only reason why the wonderful anticipation of A1 is always accompanied by a low-level feeling of dread. As great as the sport is, the overall fan experience at this particular stadium could be drastically improved with some very minor changes.